Single White Teacher seeks LTR/Financial Support

Last night, I sat in my room pondering a world in which teachers don’t have collective bargaining rights, living wages, health insurance, or anyone to complain to. And why should they? Why sully the beauty and altruism of the profession by wanting base things like health insurance, or, or, heaven forbid, a dental plan. But I have a plan, on that could solve my personal dilemma: Since I can’t support myself with my career, I have to find a patroness who shares my passion for education. Towards this end, I’ve taken out this ad in all the local craigslists:

SWM 25, 5’7, under 160 pounds and driven by a passion for teaching and learning seeks LTR & support. In good shape, D&D free. Respond with EdusugarMama in the subject line. Other teachers need not apply. Millionaires preferred, though any independently wealthy woman will suffice. I’m not greedy.

Donny got a BA in English, which he thought meant badass, but then he got to the real world. Now he realizes it means bitter academic. Donny did a stint in grad school with a focus on education, which made him angry enough to start writing columns. While education is still his main focus, Donny now wants to apply his academic rigor to other mundane activities.